(I love it when my re-posts are still relevant! Saves a lot of work and back-pedaling for me!)
I was in Target on Sunday and could only use the word incredulous as a listened to a young teenager come at her own mother as they shopped. I looked at the mom with what I hoped was an encouraging look of empathy. She looked beat down. I'm sure she had fought this battle before.
Some know-it-alls (parents and even non-parents, btw) will be quick to sum that situation up as bad parenting, but I know for a fact it's not that simple. I was raised well by good parents, and I remember well how hard I was on my mom when I was about 15 or so. And my mom was a cool mom! I've read that kids do this to their moms and dads for a number of reasons: claiming independence, testing boundaries, preparing to leave the nest, uncertainty, etc. Those theories all sound good, and since I'm not child psychologist I'll go along with that.
But here's one more thing to consider. Kids can sometimes turn on you. Sometimes for no good reason they will toss that halo out into the yard. Kids, sometimes, can be assholes.
On commercials when kids make messes, you've got some good-natured mom with her hands on her hips making that "oh, you silly pickle" face. In reality, you've got a mom about to lose her shit with this disaster area she is suddenly confronted with.
Maybe they are testing boundaries. Maybe they didn't have good supervision for a few minutes. Maybe they were just having fun. Or maybe, just maybe, they are simply assholes.
I don't think any group tests and proves this theory more than teenage girls. Even the sweetest of teenage girls can be mean as hell sometimes. Remember when YOU were a teenager? Either you were a Mean Girl or you were afraid of them. Think back...you know what I'm talking about.
And I don't have the knowledge or psychology to get into all the reasons why. And that's not what this post is about. This post is for us parents. Those of us just trying to get through it all without losing our minds and our tempers. As many of you know my kid has autism. That diagnosis alone takes him out of the many "normal" teenage behaviors and experiences. But his behavior still has the power to make me mad and hurt my feelings sometimes. Yes, even this happy little goober can do it.
So I guess I just really want to impart to all of you parents the feeling that you're not alone. The feeling that it's okay to get aggravated sometimes. The feeling that it's okay to take a minute breather (as a matter of fact, I'd recommend that) and get the bad feelings out in some constructive way.
And yes, sometimes it's even okay to call your kid an asshole. Not to his face. But maybe to the other parents who are feeling just like you at the moment. You won't hear a word of judgment from me.
I was in Target on Sunday and could only use the word incredulous as a listened to a young teenager come at her own mother as they shopped. I looked at the mom with what I hoped was an encouraging look of empathy. She looked beat down. I'm sure she had fought this battle before.
Some know-it-alls (parents and even non-parents, btw) will be quick to sum that situation up as bad parenting, but I know for a fact it's not that simple. I was raised well by good parents, and I remember well how hard I was on my mom when I was about 15 or so. And my mom was a cool mom! I've read that kids do this to their moms and dads for a number of reasons: claiming independence, testing boundaries, preparing to leave the nest, uncertainty, etc. Those theories all sound good, and since I'm not child psychologist I'll go along with that.
But here's one more thing to consider. Kids can sometimes turn on you. Sometimes for no good reason they will toss that halo out into the yard. Kids, sometimes, can be assholes.
On commercials when kids make messes, you've got some good-natured mom with her hands on her hips making that "oh, you silly pickle" face. In reality, you've got a mom about to lose her shit with this disaster area she is suddenly confronted with.
Maybe they are testing boundaries. Maybe they didn't have good supervision for a few minutes. Maybe they were just having fun. Or maybe, just maybe, they are simply assholes.
I don't think any group tests and proves this theory more than teenage girls. Even the sweetest of teenage girls can be mean as hell sometimes. Remember when YOU were a teenager? Either you were a Mean Girl or you were afraid of them. Think back...you know what I'm talking about.
And I don't have the knowledge or psychology to get into all the reasons why. And that's not what this post is about. This post is for us parents. Those of us just trying to get through it all without losing our minds and our tempers. As many of you know my kid has autism. That diagnosis alone takes him out of the many "normal" teenage behaviors and experiences. But his behavior still has the power to make me mad and hurt my feelings sometimes. Yes, even this happy little goober can do it.
So I guess I just really want to impart to all of you parents the feeling that you're not alone. The feeling that it's okay to get aggravated sometimes. The feeling that it's okay to take a minute breather (as a matter of fact, I'd recommend that) and get the bad feelings out in some constructive way.
And yes, sometimes it's even okay to call your kid an asshole. Not to his face. But maybe to the other parents who are feeling just like you at the moment. You won't hear a word of judgment from me.