Becky's Greatest Hits Vol. II

  A catchy, extremely popular album in your youth becomes the lyrics that describe your life at some point. If you're lucky......

Do you wanna get understood?

 Current mood is brought to you by: looming birthday, bipolar perimenopause, old lady broken heart and the nesting that ensues after all of it comes down at once. And bonus vibes of past failures: if I had stuck out the first marriage, today would have been my 27th anniversary.

  Switch it up, play a new game Even though it's nice, I don't do vain Had to shake it up like loose change Same ol' me, just a new day, oh yeah These are some things you should know I won't stop, I'ma keep going It's a little unfair But I'm living like that....

 Can we all just agree that New Year's Eve is the worst of the string of winter holidays?  I would even go so far as saying it's THE WORST of all the holidays.  I loved when Stanford Blatch defined a party as feeling very "forced festive".  To me, most NYE parties feel that way.  The idea that this is a big year-end blow-out and we'd all damn well better make it awesome! The reason I hate NYE is because it combines two of things I most hate about celebrations: cold weather and crowds.  Plus it's during a time of year when everyone has already spent all their money.  AND you usually have to the leave the house.  ADDITIONALLY, you have to stay up late.  It's a big F.U. from me on all this.   I would dare say that some of my happiest New Year's memories have been spent at home in my pajamas with either my child, an S.O. or happily alone.  I remember one unforgettable year of moving into a 3rd floor apartment on NYE.  I rememb...

 If this is the state of today's rom-com, I feel sorry for the current generation of romantics since I found this movie to be neither very rommy nor commy.  You won't find a Ronnie and Loretta or Frankie and Johnnie here. It's very modern and the problems are very eclectic of our current dating times.  Throughout, it feels very ham-fisted and without emotion.  To be sure, there are no warm fuzzies here, and in the end, the whole thing feels like one big settlement.   Also worth noting: height, age and weight are big deals in this flick so be ready to be triggered.  But if you've been dating for a few years, you already know this.  Lucy's big speech to John about her foibles did hit home for me and probably would for anyone who ever felt they fell short of a man who truly loved them in a way they didn't feel deserved.  I couldn't help feeling at the end that her choice was okay for that day, but wouldn't ultimately last.   But then a...

 As an older single gal, I get advice from well-meaning people all the time.  Of all that advice and observation, I think this might be one of the few books that really spoke to me. Jane Juska did something revolutionary back in 2001.  She wrote a book about being an older single woman who still wanted to have sex.  The book was called "A Round-Heeled Woman" and it was powerful. Imagine that! Then she followed up with this book which more about how RHW came to be and what came after. There are so many things I love about Jane.  She is real and unapologetic.  Modern but also rooted in polite tradition.  I think I see myself in women like this.  We understand what our current times are all about, but we still miss some old-fashioned tropes. I love how Jane laments a man she's in love with even though she knows she shouldn't be.  I love how she's not willing to give up exactly what she wants in a relationship.  I love how she's still a roma...

 Odd & ends that I am enjoying and embracing this spring.  Which I'm compiling as an homage to Shayla Lawson and her sublime book, This is Major .   Gave my copy to a woman who had been in my office who I know had escaped the prison complex of America and I told her she would love it, just love it, and pretty soon we'd have a female president anyway, so just hang on Miss Lady, hang on, we're getting there, read this book, you'll love it, it's for you, keep it, pass it on, spread the word, Sis, this is Major. This is me deleting numbers, numbers I don't need, numbers I don't want to answer, I don't remember your name anymore boy, if you want me you better write a letter, you better come correct, you better have that apology on your lips, you better be ready for bye boy bye, you better be ready old friend, you better be ready to know I'm not that girl anymore, don't call if you're not ready, as a matter of fact don't call at all. A bed...

 Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "I think you're beautiful because you look like me, like my people, you look like what I know and love".   Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "I love watching you with your child". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "Your home makes me feel at home". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "Sometimes I don't know where I end and you begin". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "I believe in you". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "You know how to make a man feel loved".  Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: “I wish I’d had a child with you”. Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "My father would have loved you". Tell ...

 Lately I really feel the movie "Groundhog Day".  Like I'm watching my life happen in front of me.  It keeps repeating.  And I just keep trying to get it right.  Sometimes I feel like I know what I'm doing and other times I feel like a failure.  And not only that, a spectacular failure that everyone around me can see.  I don't only suffer from Imposter Syndrome.  I AM the imposter! But I honestly do believe, for as much as it sounds like needlepoint philosophy, that every day is a fresh start.  A second chance.  A chance to do better.  To get it right.   I get mad at myself when I realize I keep repeating my mistakes.  Patterns.  Circles of behavior.  Aren't we all working through some kind of trauma?   I think Deadpool called it "trauma bragging" and blamed Gen Z'er's.  Sometimes it feels and sounds that way.  But don't we all have it?  Childhood trauma.....relationship trauma.........

  If you're a single lady late in life, at some point Garrett Breedlove will land in front of you.  And no matter how experienced and cynical you might be, you will not be ready.   If you fell in love with Ronny Cammareri when you were about 14, you never had a chance anyway. Or Johnny Castle.  (BTW, do you know this photo is called "Johnny beckoning"? It has been burned on my brain for over 30 years now......geez.) And I feel like I can even really speak on Lloyd Dobler, Jake Ryan or even Blaine and Ducky.  And don't get me started on Yuri Zhivago, Nickie Ferrante or Rhett Butler.  I can't even go there.  Us girls.....Hollywood never gave us a chance, did it?

 

 This past spring I managed to go to the beach for one weekend.   It was a good time with an old and dear friend.  I read, got sun, had drinks and indulged myself enough to come home and be happy with the non-coastal life.  I didn't take any more trips for the remainder of the summer, deciding instead to stay at home and work on my hygge.  Some people think you can only truly appreciate hygge in a cold climate like that of Scandinavia.  I say pfffftt.......you can create hygge anywhere with moonlight, a candle and a cool summer blankie. I read A LOT.  Cooked very little.  Napped a lot.  Watched movies and streamed shows.  Listened to music, podcasts and audiobooks.  Watched documentaries.  Learned more things.  Went to a campaign meeting.  Got in touch with long-lost friends from school. I worked on home projects, stained my back deck, framed art and further cottaged my cottage!  Displayed vintage pictures o...