(I still feel strongly about this re-post from 2016 even if some friends don't agree.)
In recent times, we've become a culture of people that bare all and share all. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, is sacred anymore.
I've heard some surmise that this is the fault of the Millennial Generation in that they want to be looked at all the time. I was thinking this was the grumpy old man way of looking at things until I began to see it again and again.
I guess like most things, we have to blame Facebook.
Who else has encouraged us all to post the best and worst of ourselves at all times? Who else tells us to check in everywhere we go? (Even the grocery store and the emergency room, I have noted.) Who else encourages us to humble brag to make sure everyone knows we're top-notch: parents, employees, rock stars, gardeners, couponers, marathoners, shoppers, vacationers, siblings, children, drivers, etc?
So if you were coming of age right around the time that FB was invented and became pervasive, wouldn't you be obliged to share and share alike?
Us older adults have gotten in on it too. Some kids today even say we've ruined Facebook. Fair enough. But I do think we've understood something about privacy that they never have because they have grown up and into this being the norm, not the exception.
The biggest venue of this overshare I see lately is in photos. Mainly in photos of women.
(This is gonna make some of you mad. I suggest you leave now. No hard feelings. Come back for my next book review.)
Lately there tend to be a lot of photos of women in various states of dress or undress doing some very womanly things. For instance, it has become a "thing" for women to show that they are menstruating by allowing their menstrual flow to show through their clothing. This is supposed to bring awareness to impoverished women in need of menstrual products. There are lots of photos of women showing the hairy areas of their bodies that they refuse to shave. This is supposed to bring awareness toward the natural beauty of women and the unwillingness to bend to any particular ideals.
And then there's the whole set of photos regarding women in pregnancy, labor, post-partem and breastfeeding. Something in our heads has told us that all, and I do mean all, of these moments need to be shared. A recent photo surfaced of a newly-delivered mom wearing that unattractive disposable underwear the hospital issues a patient after giving birth. The pic was taken from the back to highlight the enormous sanitary napkins one must wear after delivery. Anyone who's done it knows exactly what I'm talking about. The idea was to depict the "realness" of childbirth. Mission accomplished.
I can't even begin to note all of the breastfeeding pics that regularly throw the world into an uproar.
I've been a woman for a good long time. I have breasts. I menstruate. I've even given birth. I have also never shared a picture like this of myself or allowed one to be taken.
Maybe the problem is that I'm a prude. Maybe the problem is that I was born in 1975........long before the advent of Facebook or even the birth of Mark Zuckerberg. Or maybe, just maybe, I have this little thing called humility. Oh, and modesty.
Now before anyone loses their minds, you had better know right quick how much I love and respect women. I have been privileged to witness two births in addition to my own and my former career in social work specializing in women's health made me have nothing but admiration for women in pregnancy, labor and post-partem. I also probably know more about breastfeeding than the average bear, so please don't try to paint me into a box that says I'm uncomfortable with seeing women's breasts.
I think I just come from a time and a mindset that felt proud as a woman that I knew how to keep those things to myself. When I was young, it was like a badge of honor to be able to have your period and be so discreet about it that no one knew. Now it practically comes with a bullhorn of announcement. I remember a very experienced mom once telling a group of other young moms how proud she felt of being able to nurse right in front of her father-in-law without him even knowing it. These used to be badges of strong women. Now the badges must be much more obvious and sometimes glaring.
I also understand why photos of birth and nursing mothers are so beautiful......to their spouses and closest intimates, not the whole world! I'm sure a new father is enamored with the beautiful rendering of his wife in a state of undress holding the newborn to her breast. It's beautiful. It's heartwarming. It's life-sustaining. It should also be private.
I also feel the need to point out what the other rational readers (yes, I have one or two) are also thinking: all of these practices have gone on for centuries, generations, forever! Why is it that NOW all of a sudden we must share them so voraciously? Again, I blame Mark. (Sorry, Mark. I'm sure you're a lovely dude. I have yet to see you post a pic of your wife breastfeeding though. Just sayin.)
Some years ago, I fell in love with the book The Red Tent and it surprised a lot of people since it's steeped in the Old Testament and not usually my taste. For one, I loved the love stories in it. They were full of passion and mystique. I also loved the women in it. They were strong and ferocious and had a code of holding tightly to their feminism and the "secrets" of women including childbirth, midwifery, and menstruation. The idea that us women have this "secret" life apart from men appeals to me. It's ours. We don't have to explain. We don't even have to share it. It's private club of our own where we give and get advice and navigate the complexities of the fairer sex.
Do I think we need to be ashamed of any of these very womanly events? Of course not. We should all take pride in and claim the gifts of our magnificent bodies. We should pass this on to our daughters and friends. We should revel in our distinct femaleness.
(As a side note, whenever I plan to write on this and have it on my mind, I discuss it with my husband. Since he has never been involved intimately with pregnancy or childbirth, I have to explain a lot of events and terms to him that he knows nothing about. Do I think men need to go about in a state of ignorance regarding women? Of course not. But I do think it should arrive on a need-to-know basis. If you're not a doctor and not with a woman about to give birth, why should a guy need to know? Do I need to know about their penis issues? No thanks.)
(And side side note, I also fully believe at some point in time we will have a FB euphemism for coitus that can be plugged in for a ready-made status update. And yes, I used the term coitus on purpose. Thank you, Sheldon Cooper!)
But do we need to post it? Do we need to catch the eyes of everyone around us with our bare breasts? And do we really need to show the underwear and feminine hygiene pads needed after a vaginal delivery? Do we need to let everyone around us know that we don't and won't shave our armpits? How important is it for us to share everything and anything?
In some ways maybe it all goes back to this iconic photograph of Demi Moore taken by Annie Leibovitz back in 1991. But I have to say, I really don't think so. This shot had way more taste and artistic integrity than the come-as-you-are photos of today.
Maybe I'm a prude. Or maybe, while I enjoy the practical uses of Facebook and its cute animal pics, I was just born too early to really get it. Or maybe I'm just modest and always will be. Either way, it's fine. If you disagree, you can keep it moving.....just like I do when I see your pics.
In recent times, we've become a culture of people that bare all and share all. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, is sacred anymore.
I've heard some surmise that this is the fault of the Millennial Generation in that they want to be looked at all the time. I was thinking this was the grumpy old man way of looking at things until I began to see it again and again.
I guess like most things, we have to blame Facebook.
Who else has encouraged us all to post the best and worst of ourselves at all times? Who else tells us to check in everywhere we go? (Even the grocery store and the emergency room, I have noted.) Who else encourages us to humble brag to make sure everyone knows we're top-notch: parents, employees, rock stars, gardeners, couponers, marathoners, shoppers, vacationers, siblings, children, drivers, etc?
So if you were coming of age right around the time that FB was invented and became pervasive, wouldn't you be obliged to share and share alike?
Us older adults have gotten in on it too. Some kids today even say we've ruined Facebook. Fair enough. But I do think we've understood something about privacy that they never have because they have grown up and into this being the norm, not the exception.
The biggest venue of this overshare I see lately is in photos. Mainly in photos of women.
(This is gonna make some of you mad. I suggest you leave now. No hard feelings. Come back for my next book review.)
Lately there tend to be a lot of photos of women in various states of dress or undress doing some very womanly things. For instance, it has become a "thing" for women to show that they are menstruating by allowing their menstrual flow to show through their clothing. This is supposed to bring awareness to impoverished women in need of menstrual products. There are lots of photos of women showing the hairy areas of their bodies that they refuse to shave. This is supposed to bring awareness toward the natural beauty of women and the unwillingness to bend to any particular ideals.
And then there's the whole set of photos regarding women in pregnancy, labor, post-partem and breastfeeding. Something in our heads has told us that all, and I do mean all, of these moments need to be shared. A recent photo surfaced of a newly-delivered mom wearing that unattractive disposable underwear the hospital issues a patient after giving birth. The pic was taken from the back to highlight the enormous sanitary napkins one must wear after delivery. Anyone who's done it knows exactly what I'm talking about. The idea was to depict the "realness" of childbirth. Mission accomplished.
I can't even begin to note all of the breastfeeding pics that regularly throw the world into an uproar.
I've been a woman for a good long time. I have breasts. I menstruate. I've even given birth. I have also never shared a picture like this of myself or allowed one to be taken.
Maybe the problem is that I'm a prude. Maybe the problem is that I was born in 1975........long before the advent of Facebook or even the birth of Mark Zuckerberg. Or maybe, just maybe, I have this little thing called humility. Oh, and modesty.
Now before anyone loses their minds, you had better know right quick how much I love and respect women. I have been privileged to witness two births in addition to my own and my former career in social work specializing in women's health made me have nothing but admiration for women in pregnancy, labor and post-partem. I also probably know more about breastfeeding than the average bear, so please don't try to paint me into a box that says I'm uncomfortable with seeing women's breasts.
I think I just come from a time and a mindset that felt proud as a woman that I knew how to keep those things to myself. When I was young, it was like a badge of honor to be able to have your period and be so discreet about it that no one knew. Now it practically comes with a bullhorn of announcement. I remember a very experienced mom once telling a group of other young moms how proud she felt of being able to nurse right in front of her father-in-law without him even knowing it. These used to be badges of strong women. Now the badges must be much more obvious and sometimes glaring.
I also understand why photos of birth and nursing mothers are so beautiful......to their spouses and closest intimates, not the whole world! I'm sure a new father is enamored with the beautiful rendering of his wife in a state of undress holding the newborn to her breast. It's beautiful. It's heartwarming. It's life-sustaining. It should also be private.
I also feel the need to point out what the other rational readers (yes, I have one or two) are also thinking: all of these practices have gone on for centuries, generations, forever! Why is it that NOW all of a sudden we must share them so voraciously? Again, I blame Mark. (Sorry, Mark. I'm sure you're a lovely dude. I have yet to see you post a pic of your wife breastfeeding though. Just sayin.)
Some years ago, I fell in love with the book The Red Tent and it surprised a lot of people since it's steeped in the Old Testament and not usually my taste. For one, I loved the love stories in it. They were full of passion and mystique. I also loved the women in it. They were strong and ferocious and had a code of holding tightly to their feminism and the "secrets" of women including childbirth, midwifery, and menstruation. The idea that us women have this "secret" life apart from men appeals to me. It's ours. We don't have to explain. We don't even have to share it. It's private club of our own where we give and get advice and navigate the complexities of the fairer sex.
Do I think we need to be ashamed of any of these very womanly events? Of course not. We should all take pride in and claim the gifts of our magnificent bodies. We should pass this on to our daughters and friends. We should revel in our distinct femaleness.
(As a side note, whenever I plan to write on this and have it on my mind, I discuss it with my husband. Since he has never been involved intimately with pregnancy or childbirth, I have to explain a lot of events and terms to him that he knows nothing about. Do I think men need to go about in a state of ignorance regarding women? Of course not. But I do think it should arrive on a need-to-know basis. If you're not a doctor and not with a woman about to give birth, why should a guy need to know? Do I need to know about their penis issues? No thanks.)
(And side side note, I also fully believe at some point in time we will have a FB euphemism for coitus that can be plugged in for a ready-made status update. And yes, I used the term coitus on purpose. Thank you, Sheldon Cooper!)
But do we need to post it? Do we need to catch the eyes of everyone around us with our bare breasts? And do we really need to show the underwear and feminine hygiene pads needed after a vaginal delivery? Do we need to let everyone around us know that we don't and won't shave our armpits? How important is it for us to share everything and anything?
Maybe I'm a prude. Or maybe, while I enjoy the practical uses of Facebook and its cute animal pics, I was just born too early to really get it. Or maybe I'm just modest and always will be. Either way, it's fine. If you disagree, you can keep it moving.....just like I do when I see your pics.