Becky's Greatest Hits Vol. II

 Baby Boy home for the weekend.  Made a simple cake.  Enjoyed simple life at home.

 Yesterday I planted marigolds. 21 days later and I planted flowers.  I dug and I cried and wondered and thought and dug again.  I wiped my hands on my pants and wiped my eyes on my sleeve.  I sat on my carport and listened to the evening birdsong.  I considered that in nature, when birds sing, it means danger is far away.  But is it ever truly far away?  My neighbor came out and told me that his brother-in-law died in a horrific highway accident. No, danger is never far away. And I wondered where you were 21 days in.  Are you floating above us watching us cry?  Are you reincarnated into a beautiful baby boy in Indonesia?  Are you happy are you sad are you anything?  Do you miss us or remember us at all?  Are you skateboarding in your new body?  Are you Patrick Swayze searching for your Whoopi Goldberg interpreter? What do I believe now that I've crossed over the dividing line of middle age about what comes next?  We ...

 I went to the library this past week and remembered how much I loved it.  Just sitting there, staring up at its gorgeous skylight windows.  I love those windows. I wondered how many times I've come back here when life has let me down.   I forgot how much I loved sitting among people....just sitting with a quiet hum and bustle around me.  Complete safety, no expectations, no need to move or talk or even smile.  No need to spend energy or money.  Just being.  I indulged in the joy of perusing the stacks. I looked at and picked up books I will probably never read. I imagined lives I will never live, places I will never go.   I watched people, young and old.  People like me who count the library as their "third place" .  People who can come back and feel at home no matter how long they've been gone.  The library always welcomes you back.  It doesn't remind you of your mistakes.  The doors open and you immediate...

 I remember when Mrs. Patmore said this.  And it has played on repeat in my head for a week now. And I remember Daisy innocently asking "did it make you feel better?" And I can't remember what Mrs. Patmore's response was.  My guess is, she probably doesn't remember, but at the time, it was good enough. For a week now, I can't eat or sleep enough.  At first I was trying to stay medicated just to "get through it" until I realized it was making me feel scared and thoroughly paranoid.  A dear friend recommended I stay sober (at least through the funeral in 2 weeks) and another recommended I at least examine why I wanted to stay under the influence.  All of it good advice.  And everything, ISTG, everything has taken a Herculean effort.  Getting out of bed, thinking about dressing, actually dressing and Jesus H putting on makeup.  And don't get me started on driving. Nearly 1 week away from work, and I'm at least trying to show up for that. I just ...

 I never had strong feelings one way or another about Gina Gershon until I watched "Showgirls" (which I loved, btw) and now I tend to find her fascinating. This book is one of those memoirs for a particular time and difficulty in one's life, specifically a span of several weeks in which Gina's cat goes missing, that also explains a lot about her life and personality in general.  It's funny, enlightening, ridiculous and witty.....am I talking about the book or Gina herself?  Who cares?  It's def worth your time and definitely worth the audio read of Gina's voluptuous voice and nutty impersonations.   I've also never had very strong feelings toward Carly Simon, except for the fact that she was married to James Taylor of course. But in my vague preschool sense of the 1970's, I believe I definitely see and hear her in my mind's eye....always wearing a wide-brimmed sun hat and even wider smile.   But this is one of those memoirs that absolutely tran...

(A re-share from 2018 that I hope some interested parties will read, enjoy and think about.....) Definitely not a book I would typically choose, but I'm so glad I did!  This book made me want to study evolution and ancient humankind like never before.  I'm still debating about watching the film from 1986 starring Daryl Hannah , but I worry that it might ruin the beautiful book.  I'll get back to you on that.  (FYI, as a means to understanding, I was glad I found this funny little article to differentiate between the Neaderthals and Cro-Mags....not the band, that is.) This is the last book I was able to finish off the PBS list before the fall series began.  I may go back to the list again later, but who knows?  I ended with 39 of the 100 books and probably about 10 or so that I started and didn't finish.  And I hate to be "one of those people" but don't even get me started on all the wonderful books the list left off.  Of course, to any true...

So I did end up watching the film after reading the book , and I was pretty pleased with it.  This could have so easily been a completely hokey movie, but it was actually presented with taste and tact......even when some of the subject matter was difficult. Released in 1986 , this film featured the beautiful Daryl Hannah, who at that time was mainly known for Ron Howard's Splash.  (Incidentally, a childhood fave of mine.)  And while it's hard to watch with a sensibility of modern times, the clan mores of female subservience are treated as well as they can be.  And the female heroism and stoicism are lessons for any time period.  I really didn't stress enough in my original review just how empowering this novel and film are.  Just what stops Ayla?  Unforgiving rules of gender?  Male dominance and rape?  Unflinching fear?  Being considered weird and ugly by her cohorts?  Nope.  None of the above.  It's as much a lesson ...

Caution!  Doom Blogging ahead!  Watch for falling triggers, big feelings and insurmountable chaos! Everyday it seems like my mind is filling up more and more with nonsense.  Like a garbage dump overflowing and there is no sanitation crew coming to empty it. I've always believed in garbage in/garbage out (which is why I don't watch horror movies or violent content, but that's another post) but how is it escapable anymore?  Social media used to be a fun place for so many fun things: keeping in touch with old friends and bridging the gap for family across the miles, sharing your art or side hustle to make money or connections, making new friends or starting new relationships or even sharing opinions on life and news of the day.  Now it's a cesspool of arguments, virtue signaling and not-so-humble bragging.  I find myself spending less and less time there for how bad all of it makes me feel.  And those feelings are mostly of not being good enough. ...

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