Becky's Greatest Hits Vol. II

 Here's an experiment to try: lose your voice.   You will soon realize how much you talk.  How little you often have to say.  And how much you have to strain to even get that much out.   You'll start hearing more and seeing more happening around you. And I'll do you one better: while you don't have your physical voice, delete your social media accounts as well.  You'll have very little contact with the outside world.  You'll see who calls and who texts.  You'll realize you're checking your phone less often.  You're taking fewer pictures and worrying less about checking in.  You'll do that little thing we once called "living in the moment".   I know, I know.  It sounds so patronizing when we slow down the social stream and tell everyone about it.  I've done it and heard it before.  But it is honestly liberating.  I now have time on my hands that I couldn't understand at first.  Until I realized...

 Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "I think you're beautiful because you look like me, like my people, you look like what I know and love".   Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "I love watching you with your child". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "Your home makes me feel at home". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "Sometimes I don't know where I end and you begin". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "I believe in you". Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "You know how to make a man feel loved".  Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: “I wish I’d had a child with you”. Tell a woman she's beautiful without saying she's beautiful: "My father would have loved you". Tell ...

 Mary in Charlotte was a revelation! So much girl power.  So much singing.  So much estrogen in one big, big room.   And grown women energy too.  I felt it.  And yes, there's a difference.  I didn't realize how much I needed to be surrounded by women my own age until I was right in the middle of them.  There's something about women who understand each other.  It only takes a look, a few words.  We know.   Even the symbolism of the crown behind Mary was not lost on me.  The empowerment.  The realization of what we had come through.  I was turning 50 in a week.  What Mary said to me when I was 20 didn't hit as hard.  But lord jesus, I felt it now.   Days after the show, I felt like I was still processing it all.  Mary's voice, her stories, the glossy Broadway feel of it all, the beautiful women in their boots and sequins all around us, the memories, the tears.   After the sho...

 A colleague and friend of mine recently revealed to me that she had breast cancer.  I could tell that she told me this news with reluctance, given her private nature.  With her personality in mind, I responded in the way that I hoped was appropriate.  I asked a few questions without getting too personal.  I showed enough concern without getting too emotional.  And I showed enough hope without becoming a zealot. Cancer does that to people.  It makes you want so much to say and do the right thing.  Whenever I hear of a new diagnosis, I'm often dismayed or angry, but I'm never shocked.  Because cancer, of any kind, has become so commonplace now.  I am convinced that eventually we will all be diagnosed with some type of cancer.  And if we aren't taken out by gunfire, a car accident or an environmental catastrophe, cancer and the complications of it will definitely be on our death certificates. I've written about cancer on this blog bef...

 Talk to 'em like you 'sposed to, Mary...... I know I can go and look online, but I'd rather post my dream playlist for the MJB show in Charlotte tonight and just dream:  Amazing You Ain't the Only One Just Fine Not Today Never Give Up on Me Come See About Me You Remind Me Keep Your Head Can't Wait For You Thick of It Don't Go Someone to Love Me (Even in the wake of the Diddy crisis.  Yes, I want it.) Good Morning Gorgeous Not Gon' Cry (And yes, I'm gonna while we sing this together, Mary.) Real Love Need Love Stay Down  The One Not Today Family Affair (I might lose my mind but I'm going with it.) Stay tuned for full review....but it might take me a day or two to recover from what I expect to be fun, beautiful, cathartic and AMAZING!

 I didn't realize it, but maybe there is a lacking of stories about white people?  Specifically, boring middle-aged, well-off white people? If you think so, you should probably watch "You Hurt My Feelings" on Netflix. I had this on as background while I played Farmville on my iPhone. And the entire time I was listening and thinking, does anyone find this intriguing?  Is this the whitest movie I've ever seen?  Could these people have any more upper class problems that aren't really problems? Then I remembered this film, "Friends With Money".  And I realized there were a lot of similarities of stupid, not-really-problem problems. Then I realized both of these films were directed by Nicole Holofcener.  And listen, I don't want to dump on female directors.  I also believe you need to write what you know.  So maybe that's what Holofcener is doing.  But it's sad to know that there are studios out there that would throw money behind this when I know...

 

 Lately I really feel the movie "Groundhog Day".  Like I'm watching my life happen in front of me.  It keeps repeating.  And I just keep trying to get it right.  Sometimes I feel like I know what I'm doing and other times I feel like a failure.  And not only that, a spectacular failure that everyone around me can see.  I don't only suffer from Imposter Syndrome.  I AM the imposter! But I honestly do believe, for as much as it sounds like needlepoint philosophy, that every day is a fresh start.  A second chance.  A chance to do better.  To get it right.   I get mad at myself when I realize I keep repeating my mistakes.  Patterns.  Circles of behavior.  Aren't we all working through some kind of trauma?   I think Deadpool called it "trauma bragging" and blamed Gen Z'er's.  Sometimes it feels and sounds that way.  But don't we all have it?  Childhood trauma.....relationship trauma.........