Becky's Greatest Hits Vol. II

 Baby Boy home for the weekend.  Made a simple cake.  Enjoyed simple life at home.

 It has taken me a long time, nearly 20 years, to describe my child as having Profound Autism.  I have often said "he functions as an 8 year-old child".  I have said his inability to have a job was because of his inability to "attend to a task and follow directions" in a typical way.  I have said many times "he has language but is not necessarily conversational".  I have said these things many, many times. Why couldn't I just have said this? Was I trying to make myself feel better or make the folks who asked about him more comfortable?   The term "intellectual disability" is now used instead of another word that sadly became a slur.  Was I trying to avoid my child being a slur? For whatever reason, I always had explanations and details to describe my son.  And I suppose in some ways, I always will.  I don't want anyone to ever see him as being "locked away in a home".  I don't ever want anyone to see him as being lost or wit...

 Happy 23rd birthday to my Baby Boy. My biggest love, my most important relationship, the one person I have absolutely dedicated my life and time to for the last 23 years.  With each year, I look back on our accomplishments and the joy in our lives and hope for so much more and so many more years together. And now....your love is my reward And I love you even more Than I ever did before..... We made it, you and I. (From Just You and I, written by The Gibb Brothers, performed by Eddie Rabbit and Crystal Gayle)

 My kiddo has always dug getting sick on Easter.  Not sure why, but from way back in his toddler days he had a propensity to manifest an ear infection that required an Urgent Care visit while everyone else was home dying eggs. This year was no exception. My kiddo is almost 23 now.  But he's still my baby, special needs or not, and I baby him as such when he's sick.  During our long Saturday night, I couldn't help but think of other sick nights.....trips to the doctor....to the hospital.....tests......the kinds of things that happen for "typical" kids and families and the kinds of things that are reserved for us special needs families.   This is the kind of thing that can send a mother down a really sad spiral if you're not careful (and I have my own opinions about RFK's recent statements) so I decided with my fatigued body and worried mind to take it another way.   I started thinking about gratitude. Grateful for the big and small things. Big thin...

 This past spring I managed to go to the beach for one weekend.   It was a good time with an old and dear friend.  I read, got sun, had drinks and indulged myself enough to come home and be happy with the non-coastal life.  I didn't take any more trips for the remainder of the summer, deciding instead to stay at home and work on my hygge.  Some people think you can only truly appreciate hygge in a cold climate like that of Scandinavia.  I say pfffftt.......you can create hygge anywhere with moonlight, a candle and a cool summer blankie. I read A LOT.  Cooked very little.  Napped a lot.  Watched movies and streamed shows.  Listened to music, podcasts and audiobooks.  Watched documentaries.  Learned more things.  Went to a campaign meeting.  Got in touch with long-lost friends from school. I worked on home projects, stained my back deck, framed art and further cottaged my cottage!  Displayed vintage pictures o...

 I never expected there would be a time when I was proud of my Baby Boy for recognizing the skyline of  Winston-Salem. Winston-Salem is not a big city.  It's home to a medical school and a few prestigious HBCU's.  It once had a thriving textile industry and furniture making reputation.  It even has a historic Moravian Community ! Still it was a town that never meant much to me.  Until my son started living just outside it in an adult group home.   That decision, made when he had just turned 20 came with a good bit of tears, fear and guilt.  But now as he approaches the age of 22, with the same happy smile he's had for his entire life, I know we did the right thing. Now he's happy to come home.  Happy to go to his dad's.  Happy to see his grandparents. And even happy to go back to "the camp house" as we call it.   And as we make our way up the interstate as soon as we hit those inbound spidery ramps to the city and he spots...

(Here at the end of the month of April, Autism Awareness Month, I'm resharing a post from way back in 2019.  So much has changed.  My son and I have both grown and changed so much.  But the sentiment is of differences and acceptance still rings true.) Having a kid with special needs made me learn early on how to choose my battles.  It also taught me a lot about defining a "new normal".  What made sense for other parents and their kids might not work for us.  It took me a while, but over time I got okay with that. I also began coming to terms with what kind of mom I was, and even better, what kind of mom I was not.  Not everybody gets us kid, but we've got each other. In the beginning, I was all over all of the events having to do with autism.  The walks, the fundraisers, the awareness events.  And then I began realizing that my kid didn't enjoy them and neither did I.  As a matter of fact, I felt worse after trying to do them....

(Originally posted in April 2012) Every year when April comes around I think about how I should contribute to Autism Awareness Month. A lot of folks are lighting up blue this year.....there's always lots of blogs......charity fundraising events, etc. Now that I don't participate in a local support group, I wasn't sure what I wanted to add to the conversation. And then yesterday, I got my answer. About a year ago a husband and wife subcontractor team came into our construction company to complete some work. I chatted with the wife for a while and she noticed some autism-related info on the bulletin board in my office. This got us started talking about Little Boy and she shared with me that her niece had recently shown many signs but hadn't yet been diagnosed. I gave her some info about local groups, jotted down a book she should read, and gave her the general spiel I used to share with new parents. I could tell that she and her husband both really took it in and ...

 For this last week of April, I'm sharing some re-posts that I've written over the years about my son's autism.  I've realized that he and I have both grown and gone through so much over the years.  We're not the same people we were when we first received the diagnosis in 2005.  Our personalities, family structures and relationships and even our medications have changed a lot since then! While many of my thoughts and perspectives have changed, a few things haven't.  So I want to speak directly to parents of all special needs kids, both child and adult, right now: 1) Reach out for help.  Ask for support.  Nobody expects you to do this alone. 2) This isn't your fault.   3) It's okay to be sad and angry.  It's okay to grieve a loss. 4) It might not ever be what you expected, but it will be okay. You will find a new normal. 5) You, and your kid, are doing your best. I don't have to know your kids' diagnosis or situation to know all of the ab...

Part of me wants to keep him a little boy forever. Don't we all?

(A re-post from 2011 when I was sharing a talking a lot more about my son's autism.  Now at at 17, I've learned and grown and so has he.  The autism will always be there.  But how we feel about it and handle it, will continue to evolve.) It is 9:05 am on Saturday morning, and “it” has started. Actually “it” started about 45 or so minutes ago. Or maybe “it” started as soon as Little Boy began to wake up around 6:30. But probably for Little Boy, “it” never ends. Not through the night, through sleep, through joy, through hurt, through everything. The “it” is the autism. The indescribable part of the disorder that cannot explain the fussiness, the loss for words. The I-don’t-know-what’s-wrong-myself-and-I-can’t-tell-you part of autism. It’s bigger than a lapse in audio or visual processing that teachers and therapists so glibly tell me that my son has. It’s bigger than the communication delay that I can clearly see for myself. Bigger than the stimming. Bigger than the tan...

(Re-post from 2012.) Probably my best find at the library book sale this week was this one, which was one of my favorite books as a child.  Unfortunately, Little Boy hasn't allowed me to read it to him all weekend.  He has, however, carried it around quite a bit and leafed through it countless times.  

(Still applies 9 years later.  Reach out when you need it!) Little Boy's dad took him to the fair yesterday, and I'm glad to say he did very well. Sometimes it upsets me because it looks as if he does better on these excursions with his dad than with me. That hurts. But above all, I do want Little Boy to have these experiences. If you are the parent of a child with autism, don't ever hesitate to reach out to those around you for support. National groups like the Autism Society of America have support chapters in every state. You can also find information within your own school district. Ask for help from your friends and family when you need a break. You may not be able to do the fair trip, but maybe your Uncle Fred or best friend might be perfect for it. Ask for help......do the best you can.....and give yourself a break. That's just what we have to do sometimes.

( Re-post from a time when the word "divorce" still hurt me quite a bit.) Graceland by Paul Simon The Mississippi Delta was shining Like a National guitar I am following the river Down the highway Through the cradle of the civil war I'm going to Graceland Graceland In Memphis Tennessee I'm going to Graceland Poorboys and Pilgrims with families And we are going to Graceland My traveling companion is nine years old He is the child of my first marriage But I've reason to believe We both will be received In Graceland She comes back to tell me she's gone As if I didn't know that As if I didn't know my own bed As if I'd never noticed The way she brushed her hair from her forehead And she said losing love Is like a window in your heart Everybody sees you're blown apart Everybody sees the wind blow I'm going to Graceland Memphis Tennessee I'm going to Graceland Poorboys and Pilgrims w...

(A re-post from 2010.  Just to show how far we've come.) (In the spirit of the out-dated and out-of-touch comic strip "Family Circus" I am allowing Little Boy to write the blog post today. And as autism does limit his communication abilities, both written and verbal, he will allow me to interpret his thoughts. So with that, Little Boy and Mommy bring you the tradition of The Christmas Newsletter......) Another year gone? Wow? A lot happened to me in 2010! Obviously, I know a lot of you are thinking about the Big D. Yes, my mommy and daddy got divorced. I have really been okay with it. I spend time at mommy's and I spend time at daddy's. I have my own room and my own toys at both. I love my mommy and my daddy. They seem happy to me. They both play with me and take me fun places. Both of them have new people in their lives. My daddy is even getting married again next year! I like his girlfriend. She is nice. I also likes my mommy's boyfriend...

(Re-post from 2011.  Still true.) E-Roc: "Little Boy's a straight shooter. He'll tell you when he doesn't like something." Me: "So will his mother." (E-Roc, explaining some of Little Boy's stimming behavior while company was at our house recently. Me, chiming in with editorial comment.)

  " Instant Karma's gonna get you Gonna look you right in the face Better get yourself together darlin' Join the human race How in the world you gonna see Laughin' at fools like me Who in the hell d'you think you are A super star Well, right you are....."  " Is there anybody going to listen to my story All about the girl who came to stay? She's the kind of girl You want so much it make you sorry Still you don't regret a single day Ah, girl, girl, girl....." "I once had a girl Or should I say she once had me She showed me her room Isn't it good Norwegian wood?" "No one I think is in my tree I mean it must be high or low That is you can't, you know, tune in But it's all right That is, I think, it's not too bad....."  "And woman Hold me close to your heart However distant, don't keep us apart After all it is written in the stars....."