Becky's Greatest Hits Vol. II

  A catchy, extremely popular album in your youth becomes the lyrics that describe your life at some point. If you're lucky......

 Baby Boy home for the weekend.  Made a simple cake.  Enjoyed simple life at home.

 Yesterday I planted marigolds. 21 days later and I planted flowers.  I dug and I cried and wondered and thought and dug again.  I wiped my hands on my pants and wiped my eyes on my sleeve.  I sat on my carport and listened to the evening birdsong.  I considered that in nature, when birds sing, it means danger is far away.  But is it ever truly far away?  My neighbor came out and told me that his brother-in-law died in a horrific highway accident. No, danger is never far away. And I wondered where you were 21 days in.  Are you floating above us watching us cry?  Are you reincarnated into a beautiful baby boy in Indonesia?  Are you happy are you sad are you anything?  Do you miss us or remember us at all?  Are you skateboarding in your new body?  Are you Patrick Swayze searching for your Whoopi Goldberg interpreter? What do I believe now that I've crossed over the dividing line of middle age about what comes next?  We ...

 I went to the library this past week and remembered how much I loved it.  Just sitting there, staring up at its gorgeous skylight windows.  I love those windows. I wondered how many times I've come back here when life has let me down.   I forgot how much I loved sitting among people....just sitting with a quiet hum and bustle around me.  Complete safety, no expectations, no need to move or talk or even smile.  No need to spend energy or money.  Just being.  I indulged in the joy of perusing the stacks. I looked at and picked up books I will probably never read. I imagined lives I will never live, places I will never go.   I watched people, young and old.  People like me who count the library as their "third place" .  People who can come back and feel at home no matter how long they've been gone.  The library always welcomes you back.  It doesn't remind you of your mistakes.  The doors open and you immediate...

 I remember when Mrs. Patmore said this.  And it has played on repeat in my head for a week now. And I remember Daisy innocently asking "did it make you feel better?" And I can't remember what Mrs. Patmore's response was.  My guess is, she probably doesn't remember, but at the time, it was good enough. For a week now, I can't eat or sleep enough.  At first I was trying to stay medicated just to "get through it" until I realized it was making me feel scared and thoroughly paranoid.  A dear friend recommended I stay sober (at least through the funeral in 2 weeks) and another recommended I at least examine why I wanted to stay under the influence.  All of it good advice.  And everything, ISTG, everything has taken a Herculean effort.  Getting out of bed, thinking about dressing, actually dressing and Jesus H putting on makeup.  And don't get me started on driving. Nearly 1 week away from work, and I'm at least trying to show up for that. I just ...

 I never had strong feelings one way or another about Gina Gershon until I watched "Showgirls" (which I loved, btw) and now I tend to find her fascinating. This book is one of those memoirs for a particular time and difficulty in one's life, specifically a span of several weeks in which Gina's cat goes missing, that also explains a lot about her life and personality in general.  It's funny, enlightening, ridiculous and witty.....am I talking about the book or Gina herself?  Who cares?  It's def worth your time and definitely worth the audio read of Gina's voluptuous voice and nutty impersonations.   I've also never had very strong feelings toward Carly Simon, except for the fact that she was married to James Taylor of course. But in my vague preschool sense of the 1970's, I believe I definitely see and hear her in my mind's eye....always wearing a wide-brimmed sun hat and even wider smile.   But this is one of those memoirs that absolutely tran...

(A re-share from 2018 that I hope some interested parties will read, enjoy and think about.....) Definitely not a book I would typically choose, but I'm so glad I did!  This book made me want to study evolution and ancient humankind like never before.  I'm still debating about watching the film from 1986 starring Daryl Hannah , but I worry that it might ruin the beautiful book.  I'll get back to you on that.  (FYI, as a means to understanding, I was glad I found this funny little article to differentiate between the Neaderthals and Cro-Mags....not the band, that is.) This is the last book I was able to finish off the PBS list before the fall series began.  I may go back to the list again later, but who knows?  I ended with 39 of the 100 books and probably about 10 or so that I started and didn't finish.  And I hate to be "one of those people" but don't even get me started on all the wonderful books the list left off.  Of course, to any true...

So I did end up watching the film after reading the book , and I was pretty pleased with it.  This could have so easily been a completely hokey movie, but it was actually presented with taste and tact......even when some of the subject matter was difficult. Released in 1986 , this film featured the beautiful Daryl Hannah, who at that time was mainly known for Ron Howard's Splash.  (Incidentally, a childhood fave of mine.)  And while it's hard to watch with a sensibility of modern times, the clan mores of female subservience are treated as well as they can be.  And the female heroism and stoicism are lessons for any time period.  I really didn't stress enough in my original review just how empowering this novel and film are.  Just what stops Ayla?  Unforgiving rules of gender?  Male dominance and rape?  Unflinching fear?  Being considered weird and ugly by her cohorts?  Nope.  None of the above.  It's as much a lesson ...

Caution!  Doom Blogging ahead!  Watch for falling triggers, big feelings and insurmountable chaos! Everyday it seems like my mind is filling up more and more with nonsense.  Like a garbage dump overflowing and there is no sanitation crew coming to empty it. I've always believed in garbage in/garbage out (which is why I don't watch horror movies or violent content, but that's another post) but how is it escapable anymore?  Social media used to be a fun place for so many fun things: keeping in touch with old friends and bridging the gap for family across the miles, sharing your art or side hustle to make money or connections, making new friends or starting new relationships or even sharing opinions on life and news of the day.  Now it's a cesspool of arguments, virtue signaling and not-so-humble bragging.  I find myself spending less and less time there for how bad all of it makes me feel.  And those feelings are mostly of not being good enough. ...

Do you wanna get understood?

 After hearing several people, including my boss, talk about how awesome this show is....I finally had to give it shot.  And I was hooked. Within minutes.  I think I didn't expect to like it because I wasn't really a fan of Yellowstone, another well-known Taylor Sheridan joint.  But dare I say, this show has more heart?  It's more relatable?  The characters are move endearing?  I mean.....honestly.....that's all mostly true.  In Yellowstone, I really didn't think I had anyone to root for.  Well, besides Kayce of course.   It was also all the hub-bub of Sam Elliott's speech about aging and the breakdown of the body.  I kept hearing about it again and again so I had to look that up first.  After that short snippet, like any good first-time user I needed a bigger hit.  So I downloaded the entire first season. I did not realize this show has very nearly every goddamm thing I love about life: strong family ties, gorgeous a...

 Current mood is brought to you by: looming birthday, bipolar perimenopause, old lady broken heart and the nesting that ensues after all of it comes down at once. And bonus vibes of past failures: if I had stuck out the first marriage, today would have been my 27th anniversary.

  Switch it up, play a new game Even though it's nice, I don't do vain Had to shake it up like loose change Same ol' me, just a new day, oh yeah These are some things you should know I won't stop, I'ma keep going It's a little unfair But I'm living like that....

 

 So.  We had a pretty prolific snowstorm here in North Carolina in late January.  I cooked, I read, napped, journaled and watched a lot of streaming services! This fascinating documentary, set in Providence, Rhode Island, is a timely and sophisticated look at modern consumerism, gentrification, gorilla art, underground music and city politics.   I only watched about 20 minutes of this before I pulled the plug because it that amount of time, it seemed to me, that this film would do whatever it takes to shock, titillate and pretty much gross the viewer the hell out. I'm no prude, but I didn't see it getting any better.  Even with its stellar cast. It kinda reminded me of the shitty overhyped Hollywood from a few years back. It could have been a great series.  The cast and the subject matter almost guaranteed it.  But like Babylon it was trying so hard to shock that it failed to be engaging.  I bailed on this one after just one episode I think. ...

 If you're looking for a timely, rebellious, insightful and insane flick.....welp.....you have found it. And if you're like me and consider Running on Empty one of your favorite films and love books like The Company You Keep and have a lot of respect for Set It Off and Public Enemy and BLM and pretty much all things anti-government.  Yeah.  This one's for you. And no, it is absolutely not like your typical Paul Thomas Anderson film, which by the way, are not usually my bag.  But this one......well.....even though some of the plot was fairly predictable, I was still on the edge of my seat until the last scene.   Of course, the performances are stellar, but it's no wonder everyone is talking about Teyana Taylor.  She's like Dame Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love .....not a lot of on-screen time, but every second of it matters.  Of course my favorite is Benicio.  I mean, we go way back.  I haven't gotten over him since Traffic . ...

 Oh, Adam.....you majestic whiny delicate artist of a man.  If I had known you, I know I would have dated you and then hated you. I did and still do love Counting Crows and Adam.  I love how this documentary really takes you back to the 90's......the time of sensitive, intelligent bands and singer-songwriters.  I like how Adam is willing to make fun of himself and the time we all lived in because it did generate it's share of jokes.  I love that he talks about his dreadlocks and his old romances and how different celebrity culture is now.  It makes me glad that the culture, by and large, has stopped punching down, takes mental health more seriously and looks back with nostalgia at what was truly a very, real and sincere time of creativity in America.   My favorite part of this doc on former First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson, is that it is told in her own voice from her recorded audio diaries.  What a gift her lovely Texas voice is!  I love h...