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Slow Down There, Professor, I Think You May Be Doing This Wrong

(Re-post from 2011.  I stand by it, even if it makes you mad.)

I recently had a perfectly awful and annoying conversation with a random dude I barely know.  He was telling me a lot about his grown kids, who he was very proud of, as any father should be.  But why is it that so many people who have raised good kids seem to have so much judgment for other parents?  I've found this to be true in so many instances.  Do they realize that their kids could have easily gone the other way too?  Or do they just feel that confident that they did every thing right and reaped the benefits with these success stories?



I have never been one to judge other parents.  I think my experience as a social worker and as a parent of special needs child has a lot to do with it.  I KNOW life is not so black and white.  Choices and decisions are hard and often based on the circumstances you are dealt.  I think most good parents are simply trying to do the best they can with what they have.  And I think "bad" parents usually need some guidance.  Who knows what they did or didn't have themselves growing up?  Sure, I've been annoyed when I've seen kids behaving badly.  But I also know those same eyes have been staring at me and my kid a time or two as well.  Now I will also say that I've never been afraid to share advice either.  But giving advice and giving judgment are two different things.  If you don't know the difference, you're probably doing it wrong.



But I'm just gonna say it.  Why are so many Christian parents so judgmental?  Doesn't this go directly against what is in their holy scriptures?  Are they really so arrogant that they don't think their kids could have gone "bad" too?  And further on that, what makes a "bad" kid?  Do the choices we make when we're young define us forever or all we all allowed a few growing pains?  If you, say, dropped out of school or got arrested, are you forever a bad seed?  Can you ever become a useful, successful person?  And if you don't, it is all your parents' fault or any of their fault at all?  


We all KNOW what we absolutely should and shouldn't teach our kids, right?  Golden Rule type stuff.  Loving themselves and the others around them.  Don't steal.  Don't cheat.  Don't lie.  Lots of don'ts, by the way.  Most of these rules for moral living come from biblical principles, but many people who don't really subscribe to any sort of religion follow these same rules too.  Why?  Not just because it keeps us out of jail, but mainly because it's THE RIGHT THING TO DO.  Duh.



So why is it that so many other ideas from Christianity get conveniently left behind?  I'm not even going to get into the "love others that you would yourselves" and how that comes right up against the hatred and discriminatory values of many so-called Christians.  What about all of the bits in that same holy book that talks about the evils of money, false gods and so on while we have become a culture that idolizes those very things?  Have you looked at the news stories on popular evangelists lately?  And you don't even have to go that far.  This annoying parent that I mentioned earlier put A LOT of emphasis on how much money his grown kids make.  All that while espousing to me what good Christian kids they are.  Huh?  And also, side note, let me know that his 20-something year-old daughter was still "virtuous".  I'm not sure as a father that you should even have the privilege of knowing such a thing.  I'm just gonna go ahead and call that creepy.




Am I saying that good people or good Christians have to be poor?  Or only have one sexual partner in one marriage that never ends in divorce?  Obviously not.  But I am wondering if they, us, everyone is missing a bit or two here.  Does it matter if you teach your kid to stay a virgin until marriage if you don't teach them to be respectful and uplifting to those that don't?  Is it worthwhile to give money to a foreign missionary while you step over the homeless man you pass every day?  Something is missing, that's for sure. 



And I'm thinking it all goes back to this.  This quote has been attributed to many people, by the way, probably because it's good advice no matter where it comes from.  We need to think about what we say.....how we present ourselves to others.......what we have become.  Because all I know is when that guy walked away from me, I wasn't thinking about what an awesome parent he was and how lucky his kids were.  I had another descriptive word for him, and surprisingly, it's also found numerous times in the Holy Bible.  And on that note, don't ever be too sure that us non-Christians don't know that book pretty well too.  There's a reason why many of us don't follow your beliefs and version of events, and it's not because we don't know as much about it as you do.  Think on that.


And I know what some of you are thinking: why she gotta be so hard on the Christians?  Oh, I don't know, because they ASK for it sometimes?  At least us non-Christian peoples admit we're dumbasses.  We mess up, we apologize and then we laugh and cry about it.  We're not trying to present the whole "we're not perfect, just forgiven" ideal which by the way, is just another very prideful way of pointing out everyone else's mistakes.  I'm not telling anyone not to believe and I'm not telling you making good choices and being a good example aren't important.  Am I encouraging you to step down off that high horse and sit down here with the rest of us heathens every now and then.  We fall down sometimes.  It hurts.  It's embarrassing.  And it's also awesome.

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