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Me & My 'Old Lady' Pants

Some years back, I went through a bit of a crisis.  A clothing crisis.  I started having trouble finding clothes that fit a woman "my age" and that were appropriate for a woman "my age".  I was in my 30s and everything I tried on either looked like it was meant for a 19 year-old for dance clubbing or a 70 year-old for garden clubbing.  What about us in-betweeners? 

I tried to think like a lot of women and conventional media told me to think.  What's in an age?  30 is the new 20!  Dress how you feel!  Wear what you like!  Don't let conventions decide for you....you decide for you!  I figured, what the hell?  They're right!  I still have good boobs and a good ass!  Maybe not everything is great, but why not show that stuff off?  I got some tight t-shirts and jeans as was the fashion of the moment.  I wore them to the appropriate venues. 

Then I changed jobs.  A couple of times.  Some jobs let me dress casually in t-shirts, jeans and khakis.  Some required me to wear dresses and heels.  Some had a uniform.  Around this time I started being influenced by dressing for success.  Dress for the job you want, not the job you have!  Don't be frumpy!  Don't be stuck in a rut! 40 is the new 30!  I began to be influenced by younger women around me, but in a more professional youngish look: ankle pants, nude make-up, ballerina flats, colored tights and short skirts.  Put that together with my tight t-shirts and I had cultivated a day look and a night look.  Look at me, ma!  All grown up.

Except, I still wasn't feeling it.

Then I read this awesome book which I still flip open pretty frequently.  It talked about clothing and fashion in a way I had never considered.  It didn't just tell me what to buy or how to find clothes to suit my body, it told me it was okay to have feelings about them.  It talked about my relationship to them, to myself, to my mom, to my history.  All of these things were feeding my mind in fashion.  All this time I had chalked it up to age and body image, but it was bigger.  So much bigger.  Then I finally got down to some feelings I think I had been trying to outrun for years: how to be myself. 

Somewhere along the lines I had decided that I needed to dress for an occasion or dress like an adult or dress young or dress fun.  When all I really had to do was dress like I wanted.

So today I find myself wearing this:


When I ordered these pants (online) I wasn't worried that they would fit.  These are proven winners.  All the comments, mostly made by mature ladies, was how great these fit and sat high up on the waist the way us gals used to wear our pants back in the day.  Yeah buddy, we did!  My husband got a good laugh out of me sharing a love of pants with the grannies (and my Zips shoes too, but that's another story) but I told him I had earned that right.  I'm 41!  What kind of race am I trying to win?  Those mature ladies are on to something, man!  They get shit done!  They can't be bothered with pants that won't let you bend and skirts that won't let you stoop.  Neither can I! 

(And btw, I know you want to ask, yes I wear granny panties.  I have for years.  They are awesome.) 

And I'm not trying to say I'm giving up or cashing in my chips.  Not at all.  I think I'm finally figuring out how to be myself.  When I was wearing those cute little tight t-shirts and cute little career dresses, I didn't feel happy.  I felt programmed.  I felt like another sheep.  Sure, I looked good (sometimes) and other times not so much.  But was I myself?  Not always.  And that's what bothered me.  Do I still like to rock the occasional cute dress or skirt?  Of course.  But now I do it when I feel it, not when the event feels it for me.

I am never gonna be 22 again.  But you know what?  I'm also never going to be 30 or even 40.  Every day and every year is moving forward.  Why not move forward with it?  Why not embrace who you are and what you are?  If that person is business suits (I don't own) and loafers or beads and Birkenstocks (I do own), then go for it.  Only you know who you are.  Don't let a magazine or even me try to tell you.


This post is not entirely about body positivity and but it's not entirely not.  I'm in-between in every which way: status, age, size, income.  My wants and needs are not always popular or recognized.  It doesn't matter what matters to the status quo when it comes to my clothes and my body, only me. 


So now I'm just trying to remind myself every day to be that girl I want to be.  Wear the jeans that make you look good and feel good.  Wear hoodies if you like them. Wear the clothes that help you get the job done or that help you relax.  Wear the clothes that make you feel what you want whether it's fun or serious.  Don't ask if you're too old or too young.  Who are you asking anyway?  Life's not too short.  It's actually too long to live like someone else.  And even longer when you're waiting for approval from whoever the "they" is that seem to know better!


Because as long as you've got your head on straight, nobody knows better for you than you.  At 22, 42, or 72.  People today say "you do you".  I say "you know you".  As long as you know, there will never be any question.

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