Channel-flipping early this past Sunday morning I somehow landed on Fox & Friends. And that never happens. I had to stop when I heard the topic was a teenage pregnancy explosion in Memphis. The ever-so-smart and always pious Fox contributors were surmising about the reasons this would happen in Memphis: poverty, lower socioeconomic statuses, one-parent households, etc.
Their conversation got my goat and I hadn’t even had my coffee yet!
In my early career, I was a public health social worker and while I dealt with all kinds of public health issues my caseload consisted of at-risk pregnant women and girls. My youngest patient ever was a 12 year-old girl (the result of a rape) who was insistent upon giving birth and keeping her baby. My oldest patient ever was a 42 year-old who was not unhappy to be having a “surprise” baby with her long-term boyfriend. During my time at the health department, I worked with many types of women and families who were having babies: teenage girls, married women, grown women in long-term relationships, women and girls who had been raped, women and girls who had accidentally conceived with men and boys they hardly knew, women and girls who had conceived with men and boys they deeply loved and who were loved by themselves.
One common thread I found in most all of these situations was this: they all wanted their babies and were happy to be pregnant. Even the really young ones. Even the really poor ones. Even the really scared ones.
I will never forget a teenage girl I counseled who was extremely upset that her pregnancy test turned out to be negative. And her family was devastated too! I was so mad because I realized that to them, achieving pregnancy and motherhood, no matter how young, was pretty much the loftiest goal one can hope for.
Well, I don’t think any of us would disagree that this kind of thinking is just wrong. As a society we talk all the time about breaking the “cycle” ……….the cycle of poverty……..the cycle of abuse………the cycle of underage pregnancy and multiple pregnancy can be dangerous and disappointing to the women who undertake it and the families that are created from it. It’s just not the best way to start out a life.
Let’s all say we’re in agreement there.
But what we all can’t seem to agree on are the reasons why teen pregnancy happens.
The Fox contributors were playing the usual blame game: a one parent household creates a situation where children are less monitored, a lower educated household means the parents don’t have the knowledge or caring to educate their kids about sex, a lower socioeconomic status means the parents don’t have the time or inclination to worry about their child’s sexual activity because they are too worried about financial and basic survival.
I got news for you, Fox geniuses……….all of those attitudes and behaviors prevail in every family of every economic and educational strata.
Can we all agree on that too?
As a social worker who watched, talked to, visited in the homes of, and observed the outcomes of all of these various pregnant women and girls, let me tell you the reasons why I think so many unplanned pregnancies happen. Either in teens or older women, there are many unplanned pregnancies. I think there are two main reasons:
1) Sex is free.
2) Sex is a comfort.
Many people who knew what I used to do for a living have asked me this question over the years, and these two answers seem so simple to me.
When you don’t have much money……you don’t have a car…….every company is telling you that you’re not qualified…….sex is still free! Movies cost money. Eating out is out of the question. Going to a theme park is outrageous. Walking around the mall just makes you sad as you look at all the things you can’t afford. Sex is still free!
(And I know what you’re thinking……making babies is expensive……you’re quite right! But right now we’re just talking about the reasons, folks. Hang on.....)
And the second reason, sex is a comfort, is something all of us adults know……we just don’t want the kids to know it.
Think about it……..
When you’re hurt, feeling unappreciated, having a bad day, lonely…….does anything cheer you up better than a good roll in the hay? And if you’re not feeling bad, sex is still not a bad way to spend your time, is it?
So here’s the problem…….
We live in difficult times now. It’s not just the bad economic climate……it’s everything! Wars, climate disasters, children being abused and kidnapped, people shooting innocents outside a grocery store, politicians screaming, etc. Add that to the stressors people already have in their own homes: piled up bills, difficult family relationships, stress over school and/or jobs, etc.
There are a lot of people out there who want and need to feel happy……right quick!
Now I’m not saying we should look the other way and not educate teens about the repercussions of unplanned pregnancy or that sexual activity at such a young age is okay. Quite the opposite.
But after my time with many pregnant teens I did learn one thing, we should stop treating them like we are so different from them and like we don’t know where they’re coming from. We should be giving them the love and comfort that they don’t feel like they’re getting. We should be taking care of the worries that they shouldn’t even be thinking about.
Like I said, grown women also get pregnant by accident. All. The. Time. They should probably know better……whether they do or not.
Teenage girls and boys…….they still need our guidance. They may not exactly know what they need or why…….they just know they need something. Us adults need to teach them the right way to get what they need and how to be safe and responsible.
Besides, our biology wouldn’t have made sex so great if we weren’t meant to have it.
Is this post advocating for 13 year-olds to be having sex and babies? Of course not. What about 17 year-olds? Not even.
I'm just saying.....let's spend some time talking with them and to them about not only sex, but life. What's hurting them? What's on their minds? How can we help? How can we soothe? How can we make our lives together as a family the best it can be......no matter what our educational and financial situations may be.
How 'bout that Fox & Friends?
Their conversation got my goat and I hadn’t even had my coffee yet!
In my early career, I was a public health social worker and while I dealt with all kinds of public health issues my caseload consisted of at-risk pregnant women and girls. My youngest patient ever was a 12 year-old girl (the result of a rape) who was insistent upon giving birth and keeping her baby. My oldest patient ever was a 42 year-old who was not unhappy to be having a “surprise” baby with her long-term boyfriend. During my time at the health department, I worked with many types of women and families who were having babies: teenage girls, married women, grown women in long-term relationships, women and girls who had been raped, women and girls who had accidentally conceived with men and boys they hardly knew, women and girls who had conceived with men and boys they deeply loved and who were loved by themselves.
One common thread I found in most all of these situations was this: they all wanted their babies and were happy to be pregnant. Even the really young ones. Even the really poor ones. Even the really scared ones.
I will never forget a teenage girl I counseled who was extremely upset that her pregnancy test turned out to be negative. And her family was devastated too! I was so mad because I realized that to them, achieving pregnancy and motherhood, no matter how young, was pretty much the loftiest goal one can hope for.
Well, I don’t think any of us would disagree that this kind of thinking is just wrong. As a society we talk all the time about breaking the “cycle” ……….the cycle of poverty……..the cycle of abuse………the cycle of underage pregnancy and multiple pregnancy can be dangerous and disappointing to the women who undertake it and the families that are created from it. It’s just not the best way to start out a life.
Let’s all say we’re in agreement there.
But what we all can’t seem to agree on are the reasons why teen pregnancy happens.
The Fox contributors were playing the usual blame game: a one parent household creates a situation where children are less monitored, a lower educated household means the parents don’t have the knowledge or caring to educate their kids about sex, a lower socioeconomic status means the parents don’t have the time or inclination to worry about their child’s sexual activity because they are too worried about financial and basic survival.
I got news for you, Fox geniuses……….all of those attitudes and behaviors prevail in every family of every economic and educational strata.
Can we all agree on that too?
As a social worker who watched, talked to, visited in the homes of, and observed the outcomes of all of these various pregnant women and girls, let me tell you the reasons why I think so many unplanned pregnancies happen. Either in teens or older women, there are many unplanned pregnancies. I think there are two main reasons:
1) Sex is free.
2) Sex is a comfort.
Many people who knew what I used to do for a living have asked me this question over the years, and these two answers seem so simple to me.
When you don’t have much money……you don’t have a car…….every company is telling you that you’re not qualified…….sex is still free! Movies cost money. Eating out is out of the question. Going to a theme park is outrageous. Walking around the mall just makes you sad as you look at all the things you can’t afford. Sex is still free!
(And I know what you’re thinking……making babies is expensive……you’re quite right! But right now we’re just talking about the reasons, folks. Hang on.....)
And the second reason, sex is a comfort, is something all of us adults know……we just don’t want the kids to know it.
Think about it……..
When you’re hurt, feeling unappreciated, having a bad day, lonely…….does anything cheer you up better than a good roll in the hay? And if you’re not feeling bad, sex is still not a bad way to spend your time, is it?
So here’s the problem…….
We live in difficult times now. It’s not just the bad economic climate……it’s everything! Wars, climate disasters, children being abused and kidnapped, people shooting innocents outside a grocery store, politicians screaming, etc. Add that to the stressors people already have in their own homes: piled up bills, difficult family relationships, stress over school and/or jobs, etc.
There are a lot of people out there who want and need to feel happy……right quick!
Now I’m not saying we should look the other way and not educate teens about the repercussions of unplanned pregnancy or that sexual activity at such a young age is okay. Quite the opposite.
But after my time with many pregnant teens I did learn one thing, we should stop treating them like we are so different from them and like we don’t know where they’re coming from. We should be giving them the love and comfort that they don’t feel like they’re getting. We should be taking care of the worries that they shouldn’t even be thinking about.
Like I said, grown women also get pregnant by accident. All. The. Time. They should probably know better……whether they do or not.
Teenage girls and boys…….they still need our guidance. They may not exactly know what they need or why…….they just know they need something. Us adults need to teach them the right way to get what they need and how to be safe and responsible.
Besides, our biology wouldn’t have made sex so great if we weren’t meant to have it.
Is this post advocating for 13 year-olds to be having sex and babies? Of course not. What about 17 year-olds? Not even.
I'm just saying.....let's spend some time talking with them and to them about not only sex, but life. What's hurting them? What's on their minds? How can we help? How can we soothe? How can we make our lives together as a family the best it can be......no matter what our educational and financial situations may be.
How 'bout that Fox & Friends?
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