(The holidays are good time to repost this classic. But anytime is fine. Post original from 2019 explaining why I am the way that I am. Not everybody gets it.....)
I've never professed to be a girly girl. I've also never claimed to be the perfect mother. I don't really like to cook, but I do it in order to feed my family. I have written before about how much I don't dig Christmas and generally don't go in for holidays altogether. My husband and I finally put words to this recently: I don't have the Hallmark gene.
If you wonder what the Hallmark gene is, I can help you easily spot it in yourself and others. Here are a few clues to look for in order to identify a man or woman with the Hallmark gene:
1) Starts countdowns, shopping and general planning for the Christmas holiday season typically about 3 - 4 months ahead. Also, Christmas lasts pretty much from Thanksgiving until January 2nd. You thought it was one day? Au contraire.
2) Is crafty. Makes crafts. Likes crafts. Gives crafts as gifts. Enjoys crafts. Shops for crafts and crafting materials. Uses spare time to make crafts. Knows where to get the best deals on crafts and uses craft lingo. Also probably a big fan of Pinterest.
3) Likes to cook. Cooks for pleasure. Shares recipes. Another reason the Pinterest app is on the phone.
4) Spends time on photo albums. May even have a place in home or special work area dedicated to scrapbooking.
5) Is nostalgic about EVERYTHING. Not only has infant child's baby bracelet from hospital but also has the stump of infant child's umbilical cord and every tooth the child has lost all sealed in an airtight container of some type.
6) Likes, looks forward to, accepts and attends invitations to any girlie/hen type party including but not limited to: baby and bridal showers, cookies shares, and any home-party commodity like Pampered Chef and Tupperware.
7) Gleefully helps with any children's event including but not limited to: vacation Bible school, birthday parties, class field trips and immunization drives.
8) Owns and regularly adds to a charm bracelet(s).
9) Wears sweaters, earrings, buttons, sweatshirts, shoes or other accessories to fit with the current season or holiday time. In the case of Christmas in particular, may wear some variation of red and green for up to 6 weeks.
10) Buys and gives greeting cards for every event. And not just a simple Happy Birthday card.....always chooses a card heavy on the sentiment and cardboard. Basically, keeps Hallmark in business.
11) Has many, many personalized ornaments for Christmas tree. See #10 regarding Hallmark stock options.
12) Likes and attends any event regarding holidays such as parades, flotillas, regattas, cook-outs, memorials, and outdoor festivals.
If you are identified with the Hallmark gene, congratulations! You probably have a much easier time finding female friends and being accepted in social circles than a freak like me!
If you think you might have the Hallmark gene but aren't quite sure yet, just flip on the Hallmark Channel and see if the programming is to your liking. If you hang around for anything beyond re-runs of The Golden Girls, you may be afflicted.
If you know you don't have the Hallmark gene and don't want it, never fear. If you have out-run all the candle parties, baby shower invites and cookie shares to this point in your adult life you're probably safe. After a while, the normal ladies of the world will stop inviting you. Besides, they don't need your sarcastic comments whilst all the other ladies are busy oohing and aaahing about those cute little baby booties.
What can I say to defend my lack of Hallmarkyness? I really can't. I don't know why I'd rather curl up with a paperback than bake homemade cookies or go for a walk with my kid instead of dying Easter eggs. Maybe it's because my kid doesn't really go in for holidays and I'm lucky enough to have a hubby who gets me. I must say this though: my lack of Hallmark awareness does not mean that I don't love being in love. It doesn't mean I'm not sentimental. It doesn't mean I'm not thrilled with your pregnancy or your impending nuptials. It doesn't mean I don't love my kid and yours.
I guess it just means I don't need an ornament, card or sterling silver charm to tell you. So Hallmark's not getting any of my cash. I hope that's okay with you and we can still be friends.
But not Hallmark. Hallmark can suck it.
I've never professed to be a girly girl. I've also never claimed to be the perfect mother. I don't really like to cook, but I do it in order to feed my family. I have written before about how much I don't dig Christmas and generally don't go in for holidays altogether. My husband and I finally put words to this recently: I don't have the Hallmark gene.
1) Starts countdowns, shopping and general planning for the Christmas holiday season typically about 3 - 4 months ahead. Also, Christmas lasts pretty much from Thanksgiving until January 2nd. You thought it was one day? Au contraire.
2) Is crafty. Makes crafts. Likes crafts. Gives crafts as gifts. Enjoys crafts. Shops for crafts and crafting materials. Uses spare time to make crafts. Knows where to get the best deals on crafts and uses craft lingo. Also probably a big fan of Pinterest.
4) Spends time on photo albums. May even have a place in home or special work area dedicated to scrapbooking.
5) Is nostalgic about EVERYTHING. Not only has infant child's baby bracelet from hospital but also has the stump of infant child's umbilical cord and every tooth the child has lost all sealed in an airtight container of some type.
6) Likes, looks forward to, accepts and attends invitations to any girlie/hen type party including but not limited to: baby and bridal showers, cookies shares, and any home-party commodity like Pampered Chef and Tupperware.
7) Gleefully helps with any children's event including but not limited to: vacation Bible school, birthday parties, class field trips and immunization drives.
8) Owns and regularly adds to a charm bracelet(s).
10) Buys and gives greeting cards for every event. And not just a simple Happy Birthday card.....always chooses a card heavy on the sentiment and cardboard. Basically, keeps Hallmark in business.
11) Has many, many personalized ornaments for Christmas tree. See #10 regarding Hallmark stock options.
12) Likes and attends any event regarding holidays such as parades, flotillas, regattas, cook-outs, memorials, and outdoor festivals.
If you are identified with the Hallmark gene, congratulations! You probably have a much easier time finding female friends and being accepted in social circles than a freak like me!
If you think you might have the Hallmark gene but aren't quite sure yet, just flip on the Hallmark Channel and see if the programming is to your liking. If you hang around for anything beyond re-runs of The Golden Girls, you may be afflicted.
If you know you don't have the Hallmark gene and don't want it, never fear. If you have out-run all the candle parties, baby shower invites and cookie shares to this point in your adult life you're probably safe. After a while, the normal ladies of the world will stop inviting you. Besides, they don't need your sarcastic comments whilst all the other ladies are busy oohing and aaahing about those cute little baby booties.
What can I say to defend my lack of Hallmarkyness? I really can't. I don't know why I'd rather curl up with a paperback than bake homemade cookies or go for a walk with my kid instead of dying Easter eggs. Maybe it's because my kid doesn't really go in for holidays and I'm lucky enough to have a hubby who gets me. I must say this though: my lack of Hallmark awareness does not mean that I don't love being in love. It doesn't mean I'm not sentimental. It doesn't mean I'm not thrilled with your pregnancy or your impending nuptials. It doesn't mean I don't love my kid and yours.
I guess it just means I don't need an ornament, card or sterling silver charm to tell you. So Hallmark's not getting any of my cash. I hope that's okay with you and we can still be friends.
But not Hallmark. Hallmark can suck it.