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What Do You Do When Your Childhood Betrays You?

Us Generation Xers have been having a rough time lately.  The rock stars of our youth are dying at alarmingly young ages.  We have turned or are about to turn 40.  And the icons of our childhoods are being revealed to be bad people.  Really bad people. 


Now I want to say right up front that this post isn't setting out in any way to side with the guilty.  It's also not making light of the atrocious abuses that many victims have faced.  When those students at Penn State started protesting after the Sandusky revelations and Joe Paterno termination, I was pretty sickened.  A beloved sports team is not worth more than the lives and innocence of abused boys.






My question is: what do we do with the memories?


Recently I had an earworm of the theme song for Fat Albert in my head.  You know how it goes, Xers.  It's the "nah, nah, nah, gonna have a good time.....hey, hey, hey!"  I posted it on Facebook, you know as a funny status, and got a few cute comments from other like-minded people my age.  And then I wondered: who did I offend with that post?  I remember reading some time ago (again online) that anytime you unwittingly defended Cosby, you were hurting a woman who you didn't even know had been raped.  I understood.  And I then I figured we just pretty much shouldn't mention him or his comedy or shows anymore. TVLand and Nick Jr have already erased him from their schedules. 




But I can't act like it's not a part of my memory and subconscious.  The Cosby Show, Fat Albert and the stand-up movie, Bill Cosby: Himself were all big parts of my childhood.  The phrases he used.  The jokes he made.  Hell, even the sounds he made.  My family all imitates them to this day.  Even my parents use the phrase "I'm zerberting you".  What do we do with that?  Stop saying it because it's disrespectful to his victims?  Block it out?  Pretend he was never that awesome?  I can't.  Because he was.  He once was.  He was a comic genius.  I can't pretend he wasn't.  Even while he was being a monster.  He still had gifts. 



In a similar way in today's generation, we have the horrible Kevin Clash issue.  He was accused of abusing several boys during the time he was mastering the art of puppeting a little muppet named Elmo.  My kid still loves Elmo.  I have a friend whose kid loves Julia Roberts just because Elmo loved Julia Roberts.  What do we do with that?  Tell them they can't love Elmo anymore?  Kevin Clash very quietly (and somewhat suspiciously too) moved on, but the Elmo character continues to live on Sesame Street. 




And there are almost too many sports-related crash-and-burn stories.  Lance Armstrong was a role model to many and basically put cycling on the map. I mean, didn't he LITERALLY give up a testicle?  Sweet Jebus.  Just like the Paterno kids or fans of guys like Michael Vick, those guys really DID play well.  Do we forget those championship seasons that happened? 






But then there's always the celebrities who seem to get forgiven.  Woody Allen still gets lauded with all kinds of accolades even though he seduced, and then later married, his own adopted daughter with Mia Farrow.  How does that forgiveness happen?  Is it a racial thing?  Does it depend on the kind of circles you run with?  Hollywood has always seemed more forgiving than the rest of us, but how could you overlook a relationship that clearly started out inappropriately? 


The curious case of Michal Jackson was a big watershed moment for me.  I loved Michael Jackson as a kid in the 80's.  Everyone did.  But when the allegations became worse and worse and he became more and more strange, it was hard not to believe where there's smoke, there's fire.  I remember when the people were cheering in the streets when he was basically let off for any wrongdoing.  I sat down and cried.  I felt bad for those victims, and I never believed him to be innocent.   I still don't.  For a long time, I wouldn't listen to any of his music.  But then after a time, I would hear it every now and then, and I would remember how good it was.  Particularly the songs from when he was a kid himself.  Just like Cosby, while he was being a monster somewhere, his genius was living elsewhere.


Just like Carrie Bradshaw, I usually ask the question and it's somewhat rhetorical.  But in this case, I really don't know what the right answer is.  I am unconsciously hurting someone by humming the Fat Albert song?  Can I wish I could catch the Cosby kids somewhere on late-night tv?  I'm not saying that my need to re-live my childhood is that important.  Of course, it's not.  But the memories are still very much alive.  And it's what to do with them that really worries my conscience.



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