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I Thought of Your Mom Today......

A few evenings ago, my son and I were out for our weekly date night.  I noticed several older ladies coming in together carrying gifts and treats.  Most were dressed festively.  I figured they were having a pre-Christmas get-together with their other lady friends.  I thought about how all older women, no matter what they look like or what they're interested in make me think of my mother and other women like her.  Women dressed a certain way make me think of my mother-in-law and others make me think of my step-mother-in-law and still others make me think of my ex-mother-in-law.  (I have lots of mothers in my life in case you can't tell!)  All of them hold a special place in my life and all of them are still present in it in one way or another.

Suddenly, I had a thought.  How does seeing women that make us think of our own mothers affect those who have lost their mothers?  Or even seeing kindly old grandfather types to those that have lost their fathers? 


I know the holidays are hard on the recently bereaved, but we're stupid to think that's the only time it's difficult.  The holidays, I'm sure, simply shine a spotlight on small tragedies that loom larger with loss. 


When I saw those women in the restaurant, I became acutely aware of several friends I know that have lost parents this year.......at least 3 I could readily bring to mind.  I wondered about how they must feel when they see a group of elderly women walking through the doors.  Do they imagine their mom could have, and maybe should have, been in that group?  Do they struggle to block out the fact that they will never see their moms again?  Never have another nagging mom discussion or criticism?  Do they try to remember her smell?  Her smile?  Her laugh?  The last time they heard her voice?  I thought about how hard the daily struggle must be for anyone who has recently lost anyone they cared about, and I immediately felt lucky that I still had my mom.


Upon this recognition, I made a small vow to myself to really try hard this holiday season to think of those in loss.  I don't care much for Christmas myself, but some people love it an awful lot and to experience it for the first time after a great loss is surely traumatic and heartbreaking.  I'm sure, or I certainly hope, that loss gets easier with each passing year.  But in many ways, it will never be fully healed.  One day, I will know that loss myself. 


So I suppose while we're all grappling with this very confusing world and trying to decide how we should wish the sentiments of the season or whether or not we should take in refugees, maybe we should keep it simple.  Maybe we should look around and see who's hurting and see how we can help.  Talk about an issue that's close to home, if you're like me, you don't have to look far at all.  I'm not saying we should stop caring about the greater problems of the world.  Not at all.  But we should try harder to love and care for those around us that need it.  I feel almost certain our friends would appreciate that little bit of time and understanding from each of us more than they care about getting that overpriced Vera Bradley bag!

 

And if you are still fortunate enough to have your mom and dad in this world, give them a call or go and see them.  I'm sure they'd be glad to hear from you!  And if that doesn't work for you, turn to that mom or dad type figure that we all have.  Families are what we make them and what we want them to be.  At the end of the day, human relationships are what keep us getting out of bed everyday.  Let's make sure the people we love who have lost are getting what they need.  Whether they say so or not, they probably need us now more than ever.

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