(Re-post from 2010 that is sadly still relevant and ongoing. Sigh.)
Today I went and read a blog of an old friend of mine. This is something I haven't done in some months because it always upset me so much to see how much she hated me and still carried a huge hurt due to things that happened between us. I was glad to see as I read that she seems to have healed....or at least for as much as she is comfortable sharing.
I was glad to see that.
I have come to terms with the loss of friends that I will never get back after my divorce. The divorce wasn't the reason, at least I don't think it was, it was the catalyst. Well, it was the spotlight on things they, and I, didn't want to see. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
I know that I will forever miss those girls and will always wish them the best in my heart. If I hear good things about them, their kids, their lives.....I will be glad. But I won't seek out to find it. I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready for that again. They will drift, and so will I. And I will let that happen.
I had another loss of a friend much more recently which has also damaged me quite a bit mainly because she helped so much in coping with the loss of the others. I know she and I won't talk again either. Another blow. But I'll wish her the best too. And I might still wish to talk to her someday to tell her how much her support meant when I really needed it. I'll have to wait and see on that.
I was starting to think I was the only woman that went through things like this until I really started reading and listening to other women talk about friendships. It's actually pretty common, it seems. That doesn't make me feel better about it, but I guess knowing we're all company in our misery is worth something.
But on a completely different note, the nostalgia that fall brings out in me is always welcome. Remembering my school days, early relationship with E-Roc (20 years!!!) and even on up to Little Boy's little days has really lifted my heart.
I'm starting to be able to reminisce about times together, conversations, trips, and all the rest with those girls as well. They are becoming like old romances.....softening the hard tips with time. I still don't look at old photos, but I don't throw them away either.
Softening, softening. Fading in my heart and mind like a distant warmth instead of a searing gash. Softening, softening.
I hope these girls, and anyone else out there like us, is holding onto this new peaceful time and letting the past slip on out like me. It's hard to do, but so worth it....
Today I went and read a blog of an old friend of mine. This is something I haven't done in some months because it always upset me so much to see how much she hated me and still carried a huge hurt due to things that happened between us. I was glad to see as I read that she seems to have healed....or at least for as much as she is comfortable sharing.
I was glad to see that.
I have come to terms with the loss of friends that I will never get back after my divorce. The divorce wasn't the reason, at least I don't think it was, it was the catalyst. Well, it was the spotlight on things they, and I, didn't want to see. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
I know that I will forever miss those girls and will always wish them the best in my heart. If I hear good things about them, their kids, their lives.....I will be glad. But I won't seek out to find it. I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready for that again. They will drift, and so will I. And I will let that happen.
I had another loss of a friend much more recently which has also damaged me quite a bit mainly because she helped so much in coping with the loss of the others. I know she and I won't talk again either. Another blow. But I'll wish her the best too. And I might still wish to talk to her someday to tell her how much her support meant when I really needed it. I'll have to wait and see on that.
I was starting to think I was the only woman that went through things like this until I really started reading and listening to other women talk about friendships. It's actually pretty common, it seems. That doesn't make me feel better about it, but I guess knowing we're all company in our misery is worth something.
But on a completely different note, the nostalgia that fall brings out in me is always welcome. Remembering my school days, early relationship with E-Roc (20 years!!!) and even on up to Little Boy's little days has really lifted my heart.
I'm starting to be able to reminisce about times together, conversations, trips, and all the rest with those girls as well. They are becoming like old romances.....softening the hard tips with time. I still don't look at old photos, but I don't throw them away either.
Softening, softening. Fading in my heart and mind like a distant warmth instead of a searing gash. Softening, softening.
I hope these girls, and anyone else out there like us, is holding onto this new peaceful time and letting the past slip on out like me. It's hard to do, but so worth it....